I haven’t posted in a while. I’m having one of those dharma-downtimes that happen every so often. I haven’t lost faith in what the dharma is all about… in fact, I think I’m seeing just how important it is.
A few months ago, I applied for a retreat with Gil Fronsdal. I was very excited to sit with him and my motivation to sit was quite high.. until I got wait listed for the retreat.. and then didn’t get into it at all. My dharma balloon took a bit of a hit.
Then, my schedule changed for a few months and my Tuesday night sit, at Mission Dharma, became my once-a-month sit — only when it was my night as “lead volunteer”.
Our morning routine, which used to have my wife taking my daughter to school and me sitting for 3″ of incense every workday, shifted.. and I started going with them in the morning to drop Lucy off at school or camp and then going to work with Sara.
So, in the course of just a few months, my daily sitting, my weekly Sangha sitting and my retreat sitting all became a little wobbly. And I have to say that my state of mind has become a bit wobbly as well.
I see how important practice is for me. My weekly sits are back on track, thanks to another schedule change which frees up my Tuesday nights. The sits are actually pretty good, though I have been losing my concentration before the end of the 45 minutes. It feels very grounding to show up and sit.. and to be with the sangha, too.
I hope to get my daily sitting back on track as well, though I haven’t quite figured out how just yet. Mornings are busy. It’s not easy to find 25 minutes to ‘just sit’. But I’ll work on it.
The retreat for the year… that’s still up in the air. I’ll see what I can find. Having a retreat on the calendar is always very helpful for me.
We’ll see if the blog posts pick back up when the sitting does… sitting doesn’t guarantee insights — but there’s a better chance for insight when you establish a rhythm with the practice.